You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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