first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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