I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
