your room smells of hookers.
And success
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
