new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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