i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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