Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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