a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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