You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
