May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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