sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
