You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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