he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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