I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
