he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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