ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
