ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
