i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
