i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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