i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
