There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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