I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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