he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
