Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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