Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
