So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
