My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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