Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
