All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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