I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
