did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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