Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
