you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
