my phone needs a breathalizer
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
