Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
