Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
