I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
