I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
