Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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