im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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