You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
