goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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