You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
