my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
