At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm at about main and main street
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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