I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
