You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I skipped work to stalk him.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
