doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
