Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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