I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i've created a new STD.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
