I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
