did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we made out on top of his cat.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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