he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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