I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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