i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
