she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
