I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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