Don't make out with my wife yet
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
